Dear Abby: Husband won’t accept my decision to go naturally gray

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 16 years and have what I consider to be a happy marriage. My question concerns ongoing conversations we have been having about my hair color. The first couple of years we were together, my hair was gray, and then I dyed it red. While I know he loved it, I did it for one reason: I wanted to avoid aging myself unnecessarily in the workplace. My husband knew this.

Two years ago, now retired, I decided to stop coloring my hair. Since then, he continually mentions that he wants me to return to red hair. I have told him repeatedly that I’m unwilling to do that. He says he loved me so much when I was a redhead (does that mean he loves me less now?) and that my “going gray” has made HIM feel old.

I am dismayed and annoyed by his continuing campaign to have me color my hair again, and I have said so. He even brings it up in front of our friends, which feels to me as though he’s trying to gather outside support for his argument. I LIKE my gray hair.

It saddens me that my husband finds me less attractive or that my gray hair may be the reason he “feels old,” but I wonder why my hair color choice bears that burden of responsibility. Isn’t it rightfully my choice? I wouldn’t dream of directing him about how to wear his hair. Your thoughts? — SILVER GIRL IN NEW YORK

DEAR GIRL: This shouldn’t be a power struggle, which it appears it has turned into. Yes, your hair color is your choice, and rightfully so. (Would wearing a red wig when your husband is feeling amorous be a workable compromise?) If he “feels old” when he sees gray hair, perhaps coloring his own hair would make him feel younger.