Dear Abby: How many chances do I give my husband before I seek greener pastures?

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 16 years (eight years married). When we were first married, we had fun. He used to take me out on dates. He knows I enjoy dining and dancing, but it has been years since he invited me out. I have talked to him about this on multiple occasions, and he says he hears me, but we never do anything. I’m tired of repeating my wants and needs to him. I recently met someone very nice, and I’m attracted to him. He’s attentive and picks up on little things I don’t mention. We’re both married and have no intention of leaving our spouses. We have been talking on the phone only. We have had no physical contact. But when we talk, I experience feelings that make me want to be with him.

I love my husband and our family, but I’m falling for this gentleman. What do I do about my feelings? — TORN IN NEW YORK

DEAR TORN: The first thing to do would be to end the flirtation with your phone buddy. Then take a long, hard look at what has happened to your relationship with your husband. Tell him you feel the two of you are drifting apart because he no longer gives you the attention he did when you were first married.

Is the problem a lack of initiative on his part? How would he react if you asked HIM out for a date? Ask if you may have done anything to cause him to lose interest, and if talking about this with a licensed marriage and family therapist would make a positive difference. Marriages wither if no effort is made to nurture them.